Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
