Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
