So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
