The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
