Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
