You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
