He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
