just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
