I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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