Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
