I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dick very happy bro
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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