Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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