I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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