addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
