her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize