I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
