if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
