it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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