Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
