The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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