I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
