U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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