Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
