tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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