he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
