Got a toothbrush?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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