Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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