Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
