We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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