So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
