Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
