Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
