Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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