He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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