A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
