my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
