Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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