There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
