I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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