I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
