No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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