Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
