I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize