I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
