apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
