Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
