Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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