Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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