If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
