I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
do nipples grow back?
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