when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
