I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
