He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh god it's open bar.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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