Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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