Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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