I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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