woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
