I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
