You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
