I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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