Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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