I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
