I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
