I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
