I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
