so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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