I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
