Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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