White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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