Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
