Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
