Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
