They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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