pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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