She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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