my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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