I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I did not marry a roomba.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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