I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
