forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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