Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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