You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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