you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
