I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
