Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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