dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
