So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
